42

Sorry it's been so long since I last wrote, especially since the last one was so dramatic--it's kind of unfair of me to wait so long to give an update. First, I want to thank you so, so much for all your calls, emails and cards. You have no idea how much it helped to feel so supported. It also helped remind me that there is much more out there than my school and this life. That's often difficult to remember--that if the 110 little bodies in my classroom don't like me, it's okay--at least I know I have an incredible network of friends and family not shooting me looks of disgust.




School life is settling down. However, the first day was not my worst day. Once I had to leave my classroom and sit in the Dean of Student's office because I couldn't stop crying. (Thank God my kids didn't see a tear). Another day I nearly had a nervous breakdown because the kids just wouldn't stop, and nearly everyday I leave with a scratchy throat and a pounding head from repeatedly yelling, "Sit DOWN!" "No, don't throw that!" " Please shut your mouth!" "I said STOP!" "What do you not understand about BE QUIET?!" "I'll wait until you decide stop talking to go on." and my favorite exchange:





Me: Spit it out.


Them: What? I don't have anything.


Me: I see the gum in your mouth.


Them: Nu-uh, I'm just chewing my tounge.


Me: Is your tounge BLUE?


Them: UUUUUUGH. I'll swallow it.


Me: NO, I said SPIT it out.


Them: *!$% *^&@ !#&*$


Me: That's a detention.





I sound like a broken record day in and day out. Oh, my life.





However, it is getting better--I don't know if it's them actually changing their behavior or me just attempting to find it less offensive and more entertaining, but it is getting better. I have just begun to get into the routine of things. Knowing what to expect, when to expect it, and having SOME idea of how to respond. The boys are easier than the girls, with their little middle school crushes they are a bit easier to win over. The girls though...whew. I'm definitely not on their good list.





The other day I was telling a story about a crush I had in Jr. High to illustrate a point. (With a Dad as a pastor you learn how to make illustrations on the spot real quick). At the end of the story I was telling how I never got to "go out" with (Blake) the boy. As I turn my back to write something on the board I hear half of the boys whisper, "I'll be Blake!" Those are the moments that crack you up. Not to mention the consistent hand raising to "Go relieve myself in the hallway." Middle schoolers make you want to yank your hair out one moment and then make you bite your cheeks to keep from exploding in fits of laughter the next.





I wish I had something more to write about, but other than school I have nothing. Oh well, other than grad school that started this weekend. The classes will be great; however, just something else to add to my list of things to do. Which as of now is at 43 (after this blog I'll be at 42!).





I hope you are all well. I am hanging on and counting the days until Christmas.

and as the next President says, change is what I need--progress is what I need to make.

Love, love.


always.


sara





Just for giggles:

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/09/26/fake-disney-movie-tr.html

ugh, First Day. ugh.

Yesterday was maybe one of the roughest days of my life. I had big plans for my classes, was excited to meet them, anxious to put all this training into practice. It was madness. 7th and 8th graders were everywhere, I had 30 in a class that is built for 25, one student was even sitting behind my desk. Countless times, I bit the sides of my cheeks to keep from crying. They were a mess, I was definitely a mess, the whole day was a mess. I was standing for 7 hours in high heels and even almost ate it in front of a class. Two kids were screaming, literally screaming. The kid at my desk was spinning in my chair and looking through all my stuff, other kids were chewing gum and popping it--but by the time I heard it, it was much too late to figure out which one it was.

I turned my back to the class to write another item for their school supply list, which undoubtedly caused another outcry of "WHY DO WE HAVE TO HAVE THAT COLOR? WHY CAN'T I USE THIS BINDER I ALREADY BOUGHT? THIS IS STUPID!" Pausing for a moment, I thought to myself, selfishly, "They have no idea what I've given up to be here, this is not my life-long goal. I have put so much into this, I don't deserve this treatment." Then recognizing the uselessness of that mindset I had to remind myself for the 10th time that day..."I am here to serve, and no one said service is easy...or fun."

While I do believe that is true, it will just be incredibly difficult to hold that mindset for the next two years. That's a long time to be despised. I do realize it was the first day...that I can still get it together, that not every day has to be like Friday, that it can and WILL get better, but whew...what an awful way to start.

I have hope, and hope at this moment is all I can hold on to for assurance. Please hope for me.

Love you all,
Sara

.settling.

[Our new home]

It's a perfect day. It just finished storming, storming so hard the sky sounded like it was breaking into hundreds of pieces. Now all the humidity has blown away and there's that fresh air feel and smell that only comes right after a good rain. So, I'm sitting in my 3rd floor room with the windows open, candles lit, and my record player singing Red House Painters. I can hear the noises from the Italian Market and my four year old neighbor stomping in the puddles. Did I mention it's a perfect day?

I love Philadelphia. It's a city that is hurting and broken from the crime and poverty, but is beautiful. I went to visit a friend from college who is visiting her dad in center city. The walk was about 1 1/2 miles and it took me through several different neighborhoods, each of which had its own style, smell, and charm. Everytime I walk out my front door I ask myself, "Do I really live here?" I love Philadelphia.

[painting our wall, dad helped a lot, thanks!]

I start my credentialing classes tomorrow. It's hard to believe summer school is already over. I grew to care for those 6 kids so much, and it was difficult to say goodbye. I never knew teaching would grab my heart like this. I'm starting my job at Richard Allen Preparatory Charter School on the 27th. I'll be the 7th and 8th grade Social Studies teacher--whatever that entails. I'm excited and nervous, but mostly excited. Being here this week and not having to work has almost made me forget I do have a job. Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just enjoy your city and your neighbors and yourself? Tomorrow, work begins.

Link to the school's website: http://www.rapcs.org/

My friends here are great. Most of them left this past week but last night everyone was reunited for dinner and the Olympics at our place. There is always someone laughing or telling a story; there's always a plan or a place to go, always a great meal and a bottle of wine. Our neighbors are fantastic too. They're throwing a party for the two new houses on the street on their roof deck. I have fallen in love with people again and it's an amazing feeling. My new roommates and I sat up until 3am Wednesday night telling each other who we are. It was incredible to see how different each one of our lives have been and yet we have all ended up in the same place, for a reason. These girls are wonderful. The guys we hang out with are all uniquely incredible and although I've only known them for 2months they have each proved to be integrous and charming and genuine in each of their own quirky little way. My friends here are great.

[just a few of us]

Today is Sunday and now I'm going to read a book and drink some tea until it's time to go to our friend's for a shrimp dinner. Did I mention today is a perfect day?

always,

-s

a "sharing out"

I've been in Philadelphia now for three weeks, and it seems like I've been here for months. Yet I still haven't had a Cheese Steak, made it to a Phillies game or even taken a peak at the Liberty Bell. Overall, it's been great. Which is relieving, seeing as the second night I called a friend and demanded to know why I was here.

The days are long (5am-12:30am) with no breaks except the twenty minute bus rides to Thomas Edison High School and the hour we take for dinner. The dinners are getting me through. We (at least 10 of us) have a nightly ritual of doing a "whip around." Which is saying the best thing that happened and the worst. The stories are hilarious, and talking about your challenges with people who are going through the same thing, helps keep this whole experience in perspective.

For the summer, I'm teaching 9th grade World History for an hour a day. We were put in a group of 4 to team teach, and it's me and three guys. They're great. Each one of us is so different, yet we work well together--which I didn't think would be too unusual but our "whip around worst things" prove that false. I have 17 students on my roster and only 4-6 of them show up each day. Tuesday is the mid-term, and I'm hoping my class isn't suddenly packed.

The people I'm meeting here are incredible. It's amazing how close you can get when you're going through the same thing at the same time. They're keeping me sane. Tonight a few of us girls are cooking the rest of our friends a big Italian feast so we can all take the night off from lesson planning and complaining. Philadelphia natives are great too. They can always tell I'm not from around here, because I carry a little Rand-McNally map with me and they just smile and point me in the right direction.

I do have an address though. Me and two other girls (Kate and Sara) found an adorable house in South Philly. It's a row house from the late 1800s around the corner from the Italian Market where they have hundreds of little fresh produce and pasta stands, cute little coffee shops, corner pubs and charming cafes. There's a Whole Foods less than a mile away and old city is a twenty minute walk. We lucked out. I'll post pictures when I can.

I am well, and happy for the most part. It's hard work, but nothing more than I was expecting. I'm not loving it, but I feel okay with where I am. Everything is just crazy at the moment, but once I get settled in and start working hopefully I'll find more than a moment to myself to reflect on all this.

love.
always.
-s

a preview

Well, I'm officially leaving for Philadelphia in 3 days. I was once told not to use the word "anxious" to describe the way I was feeling for the future because it signifies more nervousness than excitement. However, in this case, I think it's the perfect word to use. I am anxious. I am fidgety. I am utterly clueless as to how these next few years will unfold. It's strange to think that this is the time that I have been preparing for the past 17 years. All those career aptitude tests in high school and the "When I grow up I want to be..." essays in elementary have led me to this day. It's funny because none of them ever told me to be a teacher. I hope that's not a sign. hah.

Despite the anxiousness, I am excited. I fell in love with Philadelphia last Spring when I was there for the afternoon. Which, yes, I admit is not really a whole lot of time to decide if you could build your future in a place, but that seems to be how I make my decisions: completely randomly. I pull my hair out over what to do, think about it hourly, and change my mind about a thousand times and then when I least expect it someone says something to me (that is usually seemingly meaningless) or I go somewhere (and see one building I like) and I decide, right then and there. So, I suppose with both Philadelphia and Teach for America I am doing both of those. For I decided to move to Philli after I spent a measly afternoon on top of a Big Bus tour and I decided to do TFA after a good friend simply asked, "Now, why aren't you doing it?" Both simple moments; both yielding momentous decisions.

I hope that this blog helps me to sift and move through both the expected and unexpected "simple" moments of these next few years, and also provides you a window into my life; a window through which I welcome your comments, your advice, or simply a :). I look forward to what this page will reveal...

Cheers!

Currently Listening to: U2 "City of Blinding Lights" (thanks Christie)