ugh, First Day. ugh.

Yesterday was maybe one of the roughest days of my life. I had big plans for my classes, was excited to meet them, anxious to put all this training into practice. It was madness. 7th and 8th graders were everywhere, I had 30 in a class that is built for 25, one student was even sitting behind my desk. Countless times, I bit the sides of my cheeks to keep from crying. They were a mess, I was definitely a mess, the whole day was a mess. I was standing for 7 hours in high heels and even almost ate it in front of a class. Two kids were screaming, literally screaming. The kid at my desk was spinning in my chair and looking through all my stuff, other kids were chewing gum and popping it--but by the time I heard it, it was much too late to figure out which one it was.

I turned my back to the class to write another item for their school supply list, which undoubtedly caused another outcry of "WHY DO WE HAVE TO HAVE THAT COLOR? WHY CAN'T I USE THIS BINDER I ALREADY BOUGHT? THIS IS STUPID!" Pausing for a moment, I thought to myself, selfishly, "They have no idea what I've given up to be here, this is not my life-long goal. I have put so much into this, I don't deserve this treatment." Then recognizing the uselessness of that mindset I had to remind myself for the 10th time that day..."I am here to serve, and no one said service is easy...or fun."

While I do believe that is true, it will just be incredibly difficult to hold that mindset for the next two years. That's a long time to be despised. I do realize it was the first day...that I can still get it together, that not every day has to be like Friday, that it can and WILL get better, but whew...what an awful way to start.

I have hope, and hope at this moment is all I can hold on to for assurance. Please hope for me.

Love you all,
Sara