42

Sorry it's been so long since I last wrote, especially since the last one was so dramatic--it's kind of unfair of me to wait so long to give an update. First, I want to thank you so, so much for all your calls, emails and cards. You have no idea how much it helped to feel so supported. It also helped remind me that there is much more out there than my school and this life. That's often difficult to remember--that if the 110 little bodies in my classroom don't like me, it's okay--at least I know I have an incredible network of friends and family not shooting me looks of disgust.




School life is settling down. However, the first day was not my worst day. Once I had to leave my classroom and sit in the Dean of Student's office because I couldn't stop crying. (Thank God my kids didn't see a tear). Another day I nearly had a nervous breakdown because the kids just wouldn't stop, and nearly everyday I leave with a scratchy throat and a pounding head from repeatedly yelling, "Sit DOWN!" "No, don't throw that!" " Please shut your mouth!" "I said STOP!" "What do you not understand about BE QUIET?!" "I'll wait until you decide stop talking to go on." and my favorite exchange:





Me: Spit it out.


Them: What? I don't have anything.


Me: I see the gum in your mouth.


Them: Nu-uh, I'm just chewing my tounge.


Me: Is your tounge BLUE?


Them: UUUUUUGH. I'll swallow it.


Me: NO, I said SPIT it out.


Them: *!$% *^&@ !#&*$


Me: That's a detention.





I sound like a broken record day in and day out. Oh, my life.





However, it is getting better--I don't know if it's them actually changing their behavior or me just attempting to find it less offensive and more entertaining, but it is getting better. I have just begun to get into the routine of things. Knowing what to expect, when to expect it, and having SOME idea of how to respond. The boys are easier than the girls, with their little middle school crushes they are a bit easier to win over. The girls though...whew. I'm definitely not on their good list.





The other day I was telling a story about a crush I had in Jr. High to illustrate a point. (With a Dad as a pastor you learn how to make illustrations on the spot real quick). At the end of the story I was telling how I never got to "go out" with (Blake) the boy. As I turn my back to write something on the board I hear half of the boys whisper, "I'll be Blake!" Those are the moments that crack you up. Not to mention the consistent hand raising to "Go relieve myself in the hallway." Middle schoolers make you want to yank your hair out one moment and then make you bite your cheeks to keep from exploding in fits of laughter the next.





I wish I had something more to write about, but other than school I have nothing. Oh well, other than grad school that started this weekend. The classes will be great; however, just something else to add to my list of things to do. Which as of now is at 43 (after this blog I'll be at 42!).





I hope you are all well. I am hanging on and counting the days until Christmas.

and as the next President says, change is what I need--progress is what I need to make.

Love, love.


always.


sara





Just for giggles:

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/09/26/fake-disney-movie-tr.html

ugh, First Day. ugh.

Yesterday was maybe one of the roughest days of my life. I had big plans for my classes, was excited to meet them, anxious to put all this training into practice. It was madness. 7th and 8th graders were everywhere, I had 30 in a class that is built for 25, one student was even sitting behind my desk. Countless times, I bit the sides of my cheeks to keep from crying. They were a mess, I was definitely a mess, the whole day was a mess. I was standing for 7 hours in high heels and even almost ate it in front of a class. Two kids were screaming, literally screaming. The kid at my desk was spinning in my chair and looking through all my stuff, other kids were chewing gum and popping it--but by the time I heard it, it was much too late to figure out which one it was.

I turned my back to the class to write another item for their school supply list, which undoubtedly caused another outcry of "WHY DO WE HAVE TO HAVE THAT COLOR? WHY CAN'T I USE THIS BINDER I ALREADY BOUGHT? THIS IS STUPID!" Pausing for a moment, I thought to myself, selfishly, "They have no idea what I've given up to be here, this is not my life-long goal. I have put so much into this, I don't deserve this treatment." Then recognizing the uselessness of that mindset I had to remind myself for the 10th time that day..."I am here to serve, and no one said service is easy...or fun."

While I do believe that is true, it will just be incredibly difficult to hold that mindset for the next two years. That's a long time to be despised. I do realize it was the first day...that I can still get it together, that not every day has to be like Friday, that it can and WILL get better, but whew...what an awful way to start.

I have hope, and hope at this moment is all I can hold on to for assurance. Please hope for me.

Love you all,
Sara